


She's Like Heroin (ENG)

by JIHOEPUTA



Series: JIHOEPUTA works in English [1]
Category: System of a Down (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: CONTENT THAT MIGHT BE SENSITIVE TO TRANS INDIVIDUALS AND PEOPLE WHO ARE DRUGDEPENDANT, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Nonbinary Park Jimin (BTS), Prostitution, Sex Work, Songfic, me & heroin, she's like heroin, transphobic language is used
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:21:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26669626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JIHOEPUTA/pseuds/JIHOEPUTA
Summary: She's like heroinsipping through a little glassI'm looking for some helpI need someone to save her ass
Relationships: Jung Hoseok | J-Hope/Park Jimin
Series: JIHOEPUTA works in English [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1940542
Kudos: 1





	She's Like Heroin (ENG)

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Me & Heroin [Español]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26667988) by [JIHOEPUTA](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JIHOEPUTA/pseuds/JIHOEPUTA). 



> Highly suggested: listen to She's like heroin by System of a Down and read the lyrics before this songfic.
> 
> *Due to the song's lyrics and the original work being in spanish, Jimin is referred to as she/her as well as he/him interchangeably.
> 
> *The views of the characters do not necessarily reflect my own.

She’s like heroin, sipping from a little glass, surely filled with brandy, that cheap alcohol made from fermented anise. She was a bit sensitive to alcohol, Jimin, but she didn't seem to mind. In fact, she liked to get drunk, so it was no surprise that seeing her drinking alcohol even though it was only a quarter to seven at night.

The weird thing was, Jimin was sweating while drinking, and her eyes looked watery.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

I had just arrived and it took me a second glance to realize there was something strange.

Jimin was a ... A childish boy, he really liked going out to parties and joking around, and was also somewhat careless. He secretly enjoyed dressing up as a woman, and sometimes that made me wonder if he would ever change his gender. She even liked being called a “she”, but it didn't matter if one preferred to say "him". I was the only one who did not share the crossdressing hobby but still knew about Jimin’s. We’re very close. Well, I was addicted to her like she was addicted to heroin. She’s like my heroine.

It was there that I saw her take a pill. It freaked me out, I snatched it from her hand.

“Are you going to kill yourself ?!” I shouted but Jimin just smiled at me, without showing his teeth. A little irritated even.

“It's water, Hoseok.”

He stirred the glass and stretched out his hand for the pill. I snatched the glass from him to smell it, and then drink, just in case he was lying to me. And yes, it was water.

“And what’s the pill for?”

“Opioid.”

He took two pills.

Of course. I don't know where the hell he got that shit from, and I wish I could make him quit, but the time I tried, and he had barely taken four regulated doses, he started sweating and had a kind of strange cold, he was teary, his nose was stuffy, but he did not cough or have a fever. And it was also damaging his mood.

It was his withdrawal syndrome.

“Hoseok, I need more.” He looked at me a little concerned after finishing the glass and placing it on the desk in front of him.

I'm looking for some help, I need someone to save her ass. My biggest fear is that it will keep getting worse. So I prefer to keep giving him his usual dose, but never before schedule.

What if his family or mine found out that Jimin is a drugaddict?

My fear was so deep, and it matched my surroundings, I thought. With the night approaching. And the messy room.

Jimin pushed me out of my thoughts when he took my hand and started licking my fingers.

“What are you thinking of so much, love?”

I looked at him, without the seriousness on my face fading. She looked back at me once she noticed my gaze.

“Don't worry, we’ll buy it from Namjoon, y’know he sells it cheap. Everything is fine.” He smiled at me, this time sincerely, as he tugged on my shirt collar. My uniform from the coffee shop that was several streets from here.

I let myself be pulled by her, until I was sitting on top, and she began to kiss my neck and hug me.

It was a little strange seeing her sweaty and with sparkly eyes while unbuttoning my shirt, but I tried to ignore that.

Chinese tricks in rooms, with ghosts of hooker girly dudes. It was always disturbing to think that the hostel used to be the place for them to take their clients to and that so many would have died here either from murder or drug abuse. Even more disturbing was the thought that the same thing could happen to Jimin.

My penis was erect and Jimin was riding me on our bed, yet I wasn't thinking about sex as much as I was thinking about how much we needed to get quick money to buy Jimin what he needed.

Me and heroin ...

"Why so serious, Hoseok?" He stroked my chest.

“Maybe we can make some cash selling ass.”

Jimin almost stopped for a second, but then kept moving on top of me.

"Selling ass for heroin." he murmured.

I put two more fingers next to my member to make him moan.

“I like the idea.” He smiled at me.

...

So Jimin and I only saw each other during mornings and afternoons from Monday to Thursday.

Sometimes, I would accompany him to work, take him walking to a certain street corner and kiss him off, but not as we would do in our room.

It was kind of unpleasant to think that Jimin was not by my side at night and instead sleeping with someone else. And in such cases, not someone else, but people. Many men. Each different. None of them being me.

But Jimin got money doing it, so everything was fine.

"She wants nothing more but to be a little whore" Seokjin said, pursing his lips.

We cleaned the rest of the tables that were dirty that afternoon. I always collected the tables on the right side, he did left, and the center we did together.

“He wants nothing less but to wear a little dress”.

Seokjin was surprised at my comment. Actually, at the whole situation which I had just explained to him.

Seokjin also liked wearing dresses and stuff. He was a friend that Jimin and I had in common. But he very rarely dressed "unusually" in public. Only with people close to him and people who did the same. And he was definitely not prostituting himself. Seokjin was rather reserved.

“Stop the bullshit, Hoseok. What’s he like with you, huh? When you’re together he’s always all over you being touchy. And fuck it, I might not be that masculine either, but Jimin would get fucked by any man.”

“So being all over me means he’d get fucked by anyone? And even if so, he still loves _me.”_

“He wants the heroin.”

“She's like heroin ...”

Seokjin raised an eyebrow at me.

“I don't even understand the arguments you're using. I mean, he knows that you work and that's why he takes your money.”

Seokjin picked up the dishes from the table a bit roughly, heading toward the dishwasher.

“I don’t care. I love her. And if he needs it, I’ll give it to him. You don’t know what he’s going through.”

“I’m done with you, man.”

Having finished our shift, we left the coffeeshop.

Jimin was on one of the streetcorners, in his feminine clothes, leaning against a building, pretending to be waiting for something. But it was pretty obvious what he was really waiting for there, with his suggestive clothes.

“Do you think that’s okay?!” Seokjin whisper-shouted at me after having looked at Jimin.

“Well, yes, if I were straight, I would fuck her even with the penis”.

Seokjin stopped me by putting his hand on my shoulder. I turned to look at his face.

“You’re driving me crazy... Look, ‘you don't know what he's going through’, no. I’m not a prostitute, neither a drugaddict. But you know what? I do know what it's like to come out of the closet. I know what rejected people like us feel like. And this is not how I have been dealing with my problems. I accept them.”

It seemed a bit stupid to hear that from him, so I frowned. I understood his advice, but he didn’t understand _me_. And it was really starting to get ridiculous.

“Yeah? Seriously?” Seokjin nodded proudly until I rolled up his shirt sleeve, exposing not-so-old cutting wounds. Seokjin jerked his arm away. “Is that accepting your problems? Stop saying bullshit.”

“Someday you’ll understand what I’m telling you.”

He turned and walked in the opposite direction.

I took a deep breath and sighed as I got back on track. I watched Jimin a bit from a distance. Regardless the gender you thought Jimin was, she was beautiful. Like a work of art, god-made. And she was so sweet. To everyone, to me, so funny, smiling, fanciful. She was everything positive in life.

The moment I watched admiring her beauty made me feel as if there wasn’t a single problem in my life, in his, in the world. But seeing a man approach him reminded me that not everything was as sweet as Jimin himself.

I continued to walk to the hostel avoiding Jimin's corner. I smiled for a second at the thought that it probably wasn’t so difficult for him. Jimin's voice was already high-pitched, so she could easily pass as a female.

I got to our room throwing myself on the unfixed bed. I took off my shoes and slept for about 15 minutes.

When I woke up I remembered that I still had to get the drug. I changed my clothes and called Namjoon.

“Can we meet? It’s urgent.”

"That's what everyone says.”

“Namjoon, please.”

He agreed.

I put on my shoes running and took the savings from the piggy bank.

He had a real edge when it came to drugs. What Namjoon sold ranged from decent to fine. And the "decent not so fine" was at an affordable price. Plus, it wasn’t so difficult for us to meet, because the three of us (him, me and Jimin) had hit it off well and kept certain trust between each other. Maybe we weren't quite friends, but we were close.

However, in situations like that one, no one could really be close. It was a lot of danger for both sides.

He was standing in front of me, both in an alley, the one we used for deals. Sipping through a little glass.

“I'm looking for some help.”

"The usual, I guess," Namjoon said pulling a bag from his briefcase.

“Yes, uh, Nam, uh ...” I took out the money which consisted of bills but also coins.

“Spit it out.”

"I have most of the money here, okay? I’ll pay you the rest soon. On ... Sunday, maybe.”

Namjoon looked at me all skeptical and serious.

“Look, life is kinda money-consuming. Keeping us both on one job is hard and this shit Jimin takes also rips the money out of his pocket. I promise. Jimin is also working now.”

“Oh yeah?”

I nodded all glad.

“What’s his job? Whoring?” He took out a cigarette and lighter without taking his eyes off me and the only thing that occurred to me was to shake my head.

“Uh, he ... He also works in a coffeeshop. But not the same as me, his is further away. And uh, that’s it.”

“I see.”

Namjoon didn't seem convinced, and it was understandable. He had not thought of any situation that could be similar, and he had screwed up.

However Namjoon ignored that Jimin could be whatever job it was at the time and I appreciated that.

He lit his cigarette and took a drag.

“Well, than pay me the rest on Sunday.”

...

Jimin hugged me from behind while I was fast asleep. I took his hand and pushed my back to his chest”.

“I need someone to make some cash selling ass?”

“Huh?”

“You were sleep-talking.” He kissed the back of my neck.

“What were you doing up until this time? It's 3:30am.”

“Selling ass for heroin.”

And it sounded strange. Because yes, that was what he did. Maybe it was just me, yet this time it sounded murkier, even if that wasn’t Jimin’s intention.

He ran his hand under my shirt caressing from my abdomen up to my chest.

“Jimin…”

“My prince.”

He kissed my neck again, clinging more.

“Is there something you do with me that you don't do with your clients?”

He put his hand out and moved one leg behind the other on top of me to lie on the other side of the bed ,staring me in the face.

“Loving.”

He stroked my cheek and kissed me. I kissed him back.

“Hoseokie is jealous ~” he sang and laughed slightly.

I rolled my eyes but smiled back, infected with his joy.

I could have told him that he had already gotten the heroin but Jimin seemed distracted. Besides, those weren't hours to get high.

“I love _you_ and only _you_.” He hugged me tightly, kissing me.

I kissed him back.

“Sleep, baby, it's too late.”

“I feel like I spend too little time with you.”

He snuggled up next to me and I patted his hair while he closed his eyes.

...

“Lalalalaa ~ …”

And it was strange, he was absent. And not just when he wasn't home. Even in that miserable room that was our home, Jimin was absent.

“Lálalalalaaa, aah-ahh ...”

With the lost look at the ceiling and a stupid smile that did not come from the happiness that life, in this case, did not really bring us.

“I was able to buy you heroin. But we still have to pay a part on Sunday.”

Jimin's eyes at that moment had lit up, he jumped into my arms only to then take the plastic bag from my hands and immediately look for the needle that he had waited for so long to stuck in. He kept singing that unknown melody with the repeating syllable.

She’s like heroin. As addicted as she is addictive, addicted to heroin, addicted to people, addictive for people. Her body spent so little time next to mine that I felt that she no longer belonged to me. Sipping through a little glass. Her mind is no longer in the same place I live in.

I'm looking for some help, I need someone to save his ass.

“Hoseok ...” She was staring at the ceiling with that smile that made me shiver so much.

“Yeah, baby?”

Jimin dropped his head to the side to look at me and released a soft laugh. He handed me a syringe and the container of what I was beginning to think was not what Jimin was consuming but rather what was consuming him.

I could only stare. Many times I had been tempted to try what was unknown to my senses, I longed to know what my boyfriend felt each time, I longed to know why he had become addicted. Why his gaze became so empty and full of life at the same time. Why he couldn't stop smiling.

Jimin, seeing that I didn’t react, pouted and pushed what he was carrying in his hand. He started unbuttoning his shirt and I only managed to feel a little lost.

Lately everything was so strange. And I missed what the person _I_ knew Jimin as.

I got lost in my own thoughts while Jimin was on the drug, and he wouldn't stop undressing, until he was in his lingerie, making me feel strange.

How much sex must he have had each week, yet he still offered himself to me?

Does she want nothing more, but to be a little whore?

But I can't think of her like that, I can’t. Jimin is a person, because he’s crying. His smile begins to get forced and he seems broken. His eyes turn bright like the moon and his cheeks look like sand moistened by small waterfalls. He's broken.

He wants nothing less but to wear a dress.

She’s like heroin, sipping from a small glass.

“Hoseok ...” He whispered, still forcing that smile, and I approached her. I caressed her cheek. Even that no longer felt the same. Consumed. “I'm looking for some help ... It won’t get hard anymore” He confessed, trying to convince himself of her own well-being with that fake smile.

I need someone to save her ass.

What if he died? Chinese tricks in rooms, because Jimin would pull out a strange ring too big to be for the fingers. Because he had bought a drug that I had never seen. Because I no longer knew him and he was an alien to me. And here in this miserable hostel we were with ghosts of hooker girly dudes. People who were like Jimin. And I started to sweat with fear.

“And he may have AIDS.”

Me and heroin. Maybe we can make cash...

...

_She’s like heroin. Sipping from a little glass._

That's right. With good reason.

With good reason my throat tightened, my muscles, too, from head to toe, and I got chills when I saw her. Something told me she was going to disappear. That the drug as it was diluted in her blood, would make my boyfriend. What was once my boyfriend is diluted in what has taken him. And yet my ears didn't hear the "He died of an overdose." they still didn't hear the "Sooner or later he would’ve died."

My heart chokes.

My breathing stops when Namjoon calls me on the phone.

“We need to meet. We have something serious to talk about.”

Jimin couldn't owe money, could he?

But there was no remedy. Namjoon was condescending. But decisive. And he knew that if someone played him off, it would end badly. I had to go see, or it would get worse.

Although what mattered most to me didn't help me survive.

“I'm looking for some help.” he declared when we were, strangely not in that usual alley but in an apartment (which I doubted was his).

“What’s going on?” I asked still with all the stress, panic and depression on top. I knew he could smell my fear, as he smiled.

He lit a cigarette and threw himself on the couch. He brought the burning stick to his mouth and took a drag while nodding for me to sit down. And I felt anger. Fury. Impotence. Envy. Depression.

My eyes filled with tears because my only loved one was gone.

How could this man look so healthy? How were his cheeks still plump and his skin tone bright? How was he able to smile, almost showing off his dimples? Why my Jimin and not him? Why did he let someone so precious destroy himself?

“I found out ... That he passed away. I'm sorry” he said with a more serious face, although he didn't seem so compassionate.

“You killed her.” I murmured.

Nonetheless. I was afraid of him.

Especially now. Because he no longer looked like the kind person whose only sin was selling drugs. He didn’t look like the person who lowered the price so that his customers could calm their anxiety.

It was so much more expensive to lower the price because he wanted to see them die.

“I didn't kill him, Hoseok. I was just doing my job.”

“Didn't you like us? Like her? Why did you do this to us? To me?”

“If I hadn't sold them to you, you'd be saying the same thing. Let me speak now.”

And, for God’s sake. Jimin had been attending the clinic. Maybe even more than he had sex.

Maybe it was the effect of the heroin in my veins. Maybe Namjoon never appreciated us the way I thought he did.

Maybe we had just been his clients and we never reached “being close”.

“My business is suffering a little financially. Mainly for having been doing favors like the ones I have done to you. Or rather Jimin.”

“Please don't say his name.” I begged weakly.

My eyes moistened.

“He still owed me money, okay? He had been paying me in a different way, but before I could charge him for the last dose, well ... You know what happened.”

My eyes widened, and I felt like I was about to kill or kill myself, explode, go crazy. Was I getting it right?

“How...? How else?”

Namjoon licked his lips and I swear for a millisecond he smiled and I wished I had imagined it.

“I know she was prostituting himself. But as much as Jimin was reincarnated beauty, few men like women with dicks. His payment was miserable so we agreed that he would pay me with sex.”

Impotence. Coward. It was me. I was unable to move from the couch and felt like I would pass out if I heard anything else.

“But that type of payment does not fill the gaps in the debts, you know? I still owe money precisely for being condescending.”

Did he still dare to speak of himself after killing the only person I truly loved?

“So his death leads me to you.”

And me? I don’t have money. But I couldn't say that, I didn't know what to do.

“I have three options for you: You pay me the money Jimin owed; You give me your body; or we sell your organs.”

“What?” A nervous giggle escaped my mouth.

“I know you probably don't have money. So choose between two and three. I gotta clarify that in the third you’re accepting death.”

I was twice as pale despite everything that had happened to me over that last week.

Perhaps the debt would have been reduced if I delivered the heroin that I had just injected. Jimin's leftovers.

_I need someone to save my ass._


End file.
